Dottie AKA " The Medium Regular" horoscopes for end of 2023

HELLO! It's me Dottie AKA The Medium Regular! I’m about to tell you some horoscopes fueled by my cosmic powers and just a little baileys :) It's best to start the year on a high note so I got some other worldly advice to help start off the year on the right foot. Speaking of feet, shout out to the lady on the redline that was clipping her toenails and rubbing lotion on her feet, you summed up 2023 perfectly !

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

The years ending and I feel like that time me and Carol went out and accidentally got shitcanned at newtown- I think we got bad ice. Anywho, my point is the hangover was real and brutal, kinda like this year, but there were some highlights too, like when Carol’s son went to the store and got us some flat tonic. That was nice.

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Taurus’ are known for their strong will and loyalty. But I’ll tell you who ain’t - Jimmy! He was supposed to give me a ride to Market Basket but then totally flaked. Oh, well guess someone doesn’t want homemade meatballs. Anywho, the point is in the new year, support your friends even if they call you at 6 am for a ride to the grocery store ( listen you know I hate the lines and it's just easier to go in the morning Hun.)

Gemini

May 21-June 20

Gemini’s are supposedly known for their intelligence , you know who ain’t one - TONY. Christ, I’m telling you if he rings my doorbell one more friggin time asking to borrow a chainsaw - I’m like TONE when have you ever seen me with one ? You trying to chop down the triple decker ?! what's gotten into you ? It might be his head injury or it might be because he’s not a Gemini. Honestly, it's really hard to say and I’m tired.

Cancer

June 21- July 22

I hear Cancers have psychic abilities, Hey Dawn guess you didn’t use those abilities when you ordered us another round - WHOOPS! Even I coulda predicted the future that night , but to be honest I had so much coffee earlier in the day I was already seeing through time when I got to the Pleasant but that's beside the point. Not all of us are psychically gifted so you should just be nice in general because if you are then hopefully the outcome will also be kindness returned. 

Leo

July 23 – August 22

We’re known to be a bit theatrical but hey isn’t life more fun with a little glitz and glam ? And yes we like attention. And yes I know it was inappropriate for me to burn a giant middle finger in Joanne’s lawn, but not for nothing she wasn’t calling me back and I had to get her attention. Life can sometimes feel grey, so take that sparkle and sprinkle it everywhere! And if you’re gonna attempt anything with pyrotechnics, have the fire dept. On speed dial.

Virgo

August 23- September 22

I’ve learned over the years virgo’s can sometimes be perfectionists. Hun, life ain’t perfect so loosen up! Don’t beat yourself up! It's time to be kind to yourself this year, I’m talking a night of pizza and keno level of kindness ya know? But not the level of kindness where you use those scented oil beads in the bath , those always gave me a rash.

Libra

September 23- October 22

Normally you’re holding court next to the dumpster in the Blanchards parking lot but it's cold out and you got other places to be. Although I will say that place is still the best in JP to bum a cigarette NOT THAT I SMOKE ANYMORE - OKAY! Known for your impeccable taste, in this new year try to help a friend rearrange get in a new fresh headspace. Maybe its moving their couch, or the collection of tiny crystal animals but either way use your high end eye to elevate their room. You have skills to brighten their day so do it! And if they have a tiny crystal wizard let me know one of my oldest girlfriends is looking for one.

Scorpio

October 23- November 21

Because of their enigmatic personalities , scorpios are kinda hard to ignore. Kinda like that lady in the MGH waiting room who thought it would be a good idea to facetime and watch videos full volume. Maybe she’s a friggin scorpio trying to get all that attention. Anyways, we know you're smart, vengeful and passionate but have you ever thought of adding quiet to that list? Asking for a friend.

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

This years been the equivalent to being stuck in gridlock traffic on 93. You think you’re moving but its really people just driving backwards in the breakdown lane know what I mean? Its hard to stay positive . Luckily being optimistic is one of your traits so at least you have that in your corner . And as the late, great , Jim Morrison once said ( also A sagittarius) you guys are the most philosophical of all the signs… he also said something about the whole shit house going up in flames and whatever.

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

I once lived with a friggin capricorn and their worst trait was they were a know it all. Well, if they knew so much they certainly never remembered when trash night was? Ol’ Dot here was always luggin those barrels. But on the positive side I guess that's exercise and kept me spry. Irregardless, no one knows everything so let's dial it back shall we? Try to approach this year with more openness and the fact you might be wrong sometimes and that's ok! Also please look up what day is trash day

Aquarius

Jan. 20- Feb 18

You guys are known for sometimes living in your own head. And it's like hun I get it, I’m sure the view and rent is cheaper but join us once in a while? When you do come out of your own brain , you guys are also known to be great artists of the zodiac which is nice. I’m always saying ya gotta support the arts. Who wants a boring world riiiiiight? So, with things being the way they are In the new year try to show us what your creative mind is up to these days. Also if you can figure out a way to lower my rent that would be greatly appreciated. Support the arts!!!

Pisces

Feb 19 – March 20

So pisces are also creative and artistic with the zodiac - maybe you and aquarius can get together and come up with the creative solution for lowering this rent thing??? Like a lot of us you desire to escape reality ( I’m currently watching a lot of Miami Vice and its working pretty well well that and the baileys )You're emotional which I think is great and there should be more kindness and emotion in the world! So don’t change that! I’ve also been getting really emotional watching Miami Vice and can’t tell if it's the booze or the menopause.

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